My husband, Stefan, is in Russia for two weeks. The lines for our phone calls are so unclear, and the opportunities to call are infrequent that we get to say and comment on the essential stuff and then, by default, there’s space and time afterwards to reflect. In yesterday’s call Stefan was describing the people he spent the day with, and their enthusiastic welcome for him, and his attraction to them, their discussions and who he becomes when he’s there. And then he mentioned where he would spend today, and with whom – other good, warm, kind and appreciative friends. He stated that he’d have to ‘change coats’ as the second group is so different from the first (in profession, income, interests, humour, capacity for alcohol – to list a few). My first thought was Yes, that’s how we move through our life that’s filled with a multiplicity of ‘types’, groups, demands and stages or scenes – we ‘change coats’ to fit in with what the others are ‘wearing’. It works, I’ve done it, I do it well, too. And then, this morning, this penny dropped:
If we’re all interconnected, and if the ‘others’ are my creation and are reflections of me, or parts of me, on my holodeck, I don’t have to change coats and adapt to them. I can just open up and welcome them as different parts of me that I’ve chosen to ‘activate’ and work or play with. “Others” aren’t outside of me, they are in me; we are all of the same fabric. And my coat is more similar to their coat than I’d realized or admitted. So my way of moving through the world which has consisted of me AND them (best scenario), and me against them or them against me (in varying degrees of competition, opposition, resistance, proving myself, trying to stand tall and steady etc.) was Quite Unnecessary! I can perceive them as IN me, as aspects of me, and work/play with them as one team, not as opponents. I’ve spent a lot of time comparing and contrasting myself to others – never realizing that in fact, I was noticing aspects of myself and denying myself the chance to embrace some quality or behaviour, or learn from (in a constructive, not merely judgemental way), to abandon or disassociate myself from what/who seemed to be going in the wrong direction for me (given my BVAs and intention). And for those I wanted to be with, spend time with, attract into my circle, I would change my coat, thinking . . . what? that I’d be different if I didn’t, that I’d stand our and be rejected or ignored? that it’s what’s required by their rules in their world? that I’ll actually BE more like them if I look/act like them? And all the while, ‘they’ are me and I am ‘them’! Wow. I know I ‘learned’ this at ITS; but until today, the hugeness and magnificence and IMPORTANCE for me hadn’t sunk in, inside and throughout me.
Wonderment, again!
LOTS to ponder, and given this new Pop, lots that seems to be shifting radically inside, opening up space for me to be me, coat-free as it were, and just revel in all my colours and styles and lengths and textures that I can expose at will, and where I can see myself more clearly through, and with, ‘others’. (Note to self: coat is a modern cloak, and all I’m saying is DEcloak, Lucy! But this time I see it in a new light. I’m not decloaking in front of others, to be seen or judged (for better for worse etc.). I’m decloaking as coats aren’t necessary in this new world, in my new reality. I’m not going to change ‘em to fit in, I’m going to discard them, for greater transparency. My coats are getting in the way of learning and seeing and being.)
My earlier blog about camouflage and dazzle comes back into my mind. I’m going in circles, I guess, but it feels like I’m getting into richer, denser zones, and I’m really enjoying the ride – wherever it’s heading. I think the pace is quickening, and I’m very ok with NOT putting on the brakes. Untypical for me, if I think back. But why would I? I’m not there, I’m here.
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