Exuberance is abundant

I think MJ and I are the only two people around here who’re NOT watching the Sens game and cheering like the bejeesus because they’ve scored. The Market is one hub of the celebrations, and it’s a hive of activity. Folks are swarming around . . . just wait ‘til the game’s over! It’ll get outta control below my window! I like being on the edge of the party in this case . . . I never liked the feeling of being a wall-flower as a teen, but I am very ok with not being part of a hockey crowd tonight and merely getting the sounds, and being fully aware of an amazing amount of energy exploding through this overflowing neighbourhood.

I’ve just returned from the Vietnamese Palace with MJ. It was a pleasant evening, relaxed and companionable vibes. Our conversation ranged through all the levels, and from the personal to the general, and it felt good, open, honest, with enough time for both of us, with pauses and distractions and giggles. No real problems to discuss, just updates and insights and questions about invitations and things to get curious about. It felt like a part of an ongoing conversation that will continue and evolve. And there’s no goal, no result, no finite game aspect.
Unlike what’s going on outside . . . judging by the loud eruptions, the Sens must be doing well and the game must be nearing the end as the nervousness and excitement level are mounting; there’s urgency in the air.
MJ and I had none of that - and the openendedness and the lack of hype and time-running-out anguish were very welcome.

So we’re all interconnected, and yet I feel quite separate from the fans – except for the acoustics of course. And how many other close ‘neighbours’ do I have – near and far . . . where there’s a connection that I am totally unaware of even though we’re all part of the same field? Is this part of the ‘thought’ I shared with MJ tonight? Namely, that I’m very aware that in the last month I have met innumerable ‘new’ people who are doing amazing things with and for other people, filled with passion and commitment, who are alive and buzzing and their inner movement /flow is apparent in their body language and their eyes, and evident in the paths they are taking or clearing or forging,
It’s interesting to wonder what the message for me is . . . why have I created the opportunity for these many encounters right now, this month, and what is different from other times when I have had similar encounters with other amazing people. The huge difference is ME. I am aware that these are invitations, big ones for me, to open my eyes and ears to what I wasn’t seeing or hearing before – both around me and more importantly (or empoweringly!) WITHIN me. I realize that each of these ‘models’ has given themselves full permission to dare, to leap, to create; and each is living an adventure he/she has chosen, with all the ups and downs and arounds that are part of such undertakings.

In the past, I felt really excited and impressed but puny and small around these ‘role models’, these amazing people. This time ‘round, I sense that I am waking up to the realization that I also have something to bring to the table (and that I already have a chair there, I’ve just never sat in it) . . . I don’t know where this is going, precisely, but there’s something growing in my inner garden; I’ll just keep watering and clearing out the weeds so that the flowers and veggies have a chance to grow strong and bloom/ripen. Obviously I have told myself for years that I don’t have this capacity – and I don’t have to know why. What is important to me now, tonight as I write, is to keep on putting on foot in front of the other, as Louise is wont to say, and to allow my fertile ground to do it’s stuff – patiently but actively, without fear, nourishing with gentleness and curiosity.

In the meantime, the urgency and drama unfolding on the street and all around the ‘hood tonight are reaching fever pitch. THEY have no fear of things getting ‘out of control’, those hockey fans; they’re inviting it. The police are amassing, ready for mischief, prepared to prevent ‘things going too far’. If I were to pick a character in this play for me to be, to act, who’d I be? – the ‘under-control’ detached observer on the sidelines? the wanna be exuberant following the others not knowing how to scream? the true, loyal supporter, elated with the outcome and going wild? the uniformed and bulletproofed protector and preventer? I guess I’d choose to be the genuine jump up and downer, the cheering whistler . . . and/but it certainly would be a first for me!
What’s wrong with this little mid-game is that the play I’ve chosen to act in isn’t resonating . . . The hockey game, even if it’s the Stanley Cup, just doesn’t do it for me.

But I’ve made my point to myself with the metaphor: in the Theatre of My Choice I’m going to be out there for all to see and hear; and you’re all invited to perform in it with me; I’ll need you, and it’ll be wonderful.
I talk as if this is something still to happen, don’t I? And I realize this is dumb – it IS happening, it just doesn’t look like a recognizable piece of art; yet it’s a creation (albeit still under wraps a lot of the time) . . . and it’s growing daily. And you ARE already performing with me – and I’m really glad of that. The process is exciting, isn’t it?!

The Sens have won tonight, I’m sure of that. The honking of car horns outside is deafening, but absolutely appropriate for the excitement I feel inside, about MY own game. Exuberance is abundant. And there are no coincidences!