Feedback - and thoughts about Mishmash as a Process

When I sat down to write "Feedback" for Louise yesterday, the piece below rolled off my fingertips. As I read it now, it seems pretty 'formal' and stilted as it started out - as if it was me writing in a way/style that was expected of me - after all, it's Feedback - hence there are rules (in my old world, at least) and I slipped right into producing what's expected of me! Except that as the piece progressed, the style and tone show that I seemed to relax into it - slightly, and it became a bit more spontaneous - inspite of still keeping the project-at-hand in mind. Is that a metaphor for how I move through my world, these days? Probably. So the result, as I read it this morning, seems to me to be a mishmash of feedback/sales pitch for potential entrepreneurial women retreat-goers, a declaration - as much for the benefit of readers as for me to hear myself decloak another time, and, by now, also a post for my blogsite. And mishmash is also a pretty accurate metaphor for my confused, enthusiastic, exploring and 'allowing myself' modus vivendi these days. All good! No complaints! Yippeeee!


Leading up to the Emerging Futures:Entrepreneurial Women retreat, I wondered what the 4 days would bring, feeling certain that it would be big, and good, and important; I was ‘open’ to whatever the experience might be for me. It’s not the first program that I’ve attended, and I’m very familiar with the body of knowledge that is the basis for the discussions; and each time I register, it’s with anticipation of personal, discovery and growth, and expecting at least to leave with a rekindled sense of myself, of wonderment, joy and gratitude. After this retreat, I felt all of those AND renewed confidence in myself as entrepreneurial woman, and more certain of the unlimited possibilities for me that lie in the Emerging Future ‘process’.

Different from the other women who attended this retreat because I’m not ‘an entrepreneur’ with a business of my own, I felt I was in the right place nonetheless, knowing that I’m an entrepreneurial woman: innovative, creative; strong; willing to think outside the box; taking responsibility for the choices I make. In all of the discussions, I was interested, challenged, stimulated, engaged; and often moved to tears or gasps of aha, yes! or bursts of no more of that for me, that’s sure! The ‘that’ was usually a pattern of thought, a habituated response, or a limiting belief that still lingers from my past. In the group I felt totally included, unselfconscious, safe, and willing to express an unedited version of whatever came into my mind.

My biggest ‘take home’ is easy to describe for those familiar with the Wel-Systems perspective: I know now that I stand firmly in space of the Wel-System paradigm. I now know in my body and not just through my intellect that WHO I am is energy and WHAT I am is a quantum biological device, and that my Emerging Future lies in allowing the connection from the universal field to enter and flow through my body, so that I am an expression in this world of that signal. For readers unfamiliar with what this seemingly wild-and-wooly stuff means, read the book(s)! It’s not so weird, in fact; it’s science. (Louise Lebrun’s Fully Alive would be a starting point.) This retreat was a breakthough for me in that, over the last few years, I learned about this worldview, accepted the science and concepts, but had not felt myself fully living within, or from, the new paradigm. During the EF:EW retreat, I recognized that I fully embrace this new worldview now, in body and in mind. It has been a huge step for me, I realize now as I look back, and I obviously needed some time to move from my previous, well-entrenched and commonly accepted perspective. And the time was right for me, last week, to become aware just how far I’ve traveled, and where I now stand. And over the four days, with the support of five other wonderful women, it was a perfect opportunity to move ‘forward’ from this new place, exploring what might emerge as I see the world from a different perspective. Understatement: It was pretty amazing.

Now, one week later, I am both very aware of the immense leap I have taken and very excited about what lies ahead. Until now, I had only disclosed small parts of my changing beliefs and my ‘journey’ to others. Trying to explain more specifically where I now stand to my family, in particular, has been challenging, especially as an ‘Emerging Future’ includes/requires that I do not/can not know what is ahead for me and that I allow my body – not my intellect, to lead me. These are not easy concepts for others to accept; even if the intensity of my declaration that this is how I want to live is tangible, this approach, as a way of living, sounds awfully unstructured and open-ended – because it is. And frankly, I am still learning how to live this way. It requires that I stay awake to the lure of living from my head, and that I avoid falling into the well-honed ‘routine’ of basing decisions and actions on past experiences. and habits. I am learning to ‘be led’ by my intuition, to do what feels right to me, not what is/has been expected of me. It entails choosing, constantly; when I don’t, I notice soon enough that I have defaulted back into habituated responses that no longer are appropriate for the job at hand: living my life fully, engaging the entrepreneurial woman in me for a more enlivened, inspiring and enriched life; one that, with my energetic expression, touches others and allows them to feel/know their own spirit more intensely.

When there’s another EF:EW retreat, I’m likely to sign up for it; the experience of getting together in a small group with other Wel-Systems women for deep, broad, lively and wonderful conversations is one I will seek out often. Learning from each other and exploring with each other is an accelerated way to experience the magnificence of this world - and of myself. Goodness! if I still stood in my ‘old’ worldview, I’d never have written those last three words. As I said earlier, in my ‘Emerging Future’ journey, I don’t know what’s ahead . . . and the 60yearold godforce/spirit that I am obviously has many surprises up my sleeve for me; I just have to let me do my magic!